From Nonviolent Cow

DiaryOfAWorm: Heavy Heart


My younger brother, who lost his wife in a car accident last winter, celebrated his birthday today. He lives in Iowa and I was unable to reach him by phone today, but know he still carries a heavy loss in his heart.

My friend from Church and Faith in Recovery called today. She suffers from an extreme heaviness and pain in the chest and after three operations and two years of testing Doctors still cannot find the cause of her suffering. She suffers with a constant heavy feeling but still has faith and hope.

Tonight I watched in part a TV show on being optimistic by Michael Fox who suffers from Parkinson disease. He is the eternal optimist, although suffering a terrible illness. You can feel his pain, but somehow due to his optimistic nature he carries it well.

A friend came over for dinner tonight and we were talking about how people used indifference to avoid issues that might cause them pain and suffering and force them to act. I can understand this urge just to “not know” or avoid knowing about injustices. It is easier to sleep than to be awake to moral wrongdoing, the injustices being done by individuals or governments. When you really know something is wrong and acknowledge it you are compelled to act. Just talking about it will not do. However, if you ignore something you can ignore the urge to act, especially when the action might cause you embarrassment, rejection or heavy heart.

In the TV show Michael Fox explored what makes a person happy and optimistic. There are no easy answers but I think his life is a good example. By facing his illness, pain and loss he is optimistic and happy. Sometimes when I feel most at peace or happy is when I feel a heavy heart.

Today I spent a couple hours working in the gardens around the house. My hands were dirty when I came in but I felt a quiet, although heavy, peace of mind, body and soul.

When life becomes heavy, let go and do not resist. Who knows, you might find happiness in the heavy heart.

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