This talk about waste in these postings recently and the talk about universal principles in the April 14th posting Structure Speaks, recalled an ‘easy essay’ I wrote for a paper while taking a course in the Wisdom Literature of the Bible back in the 90’s. It is a good thought for these days when I spend a lot of time waiting for persons at Doctor’s appointments and find my ‘political writings’ on war and peace being ignored. It also goes well for the few hours today when my wife and I wasted time on our backyard deck planting seeds and transplanting seedlings. This essay, “Waiting for Nothing” is testimony to another universal principle that all we need to know is already within us.
WAITING FOR NOTHING
2/22/97
I find myself waiting again,
This time in an emergency room
Of a Hospital with my father.
A familiar experience,
The last few years
Waiting in court with my son,
Waiting in the hospital with my mom or dad
Waiting in the service agency
For my son.
My parents and my son,
Both sides of my generation
The last four years
Have been repeating the same patterns
That brings me to this place of waiting
Over and Over again.
In fact,
I have been in this same small emergency room
With my Father three times the last few years.
I could be home doing this paper,
I could be preparing for my meeting tomorrow
Or Tuesday or the retreat for youth next week.
Instead
I wait and know
What will happen.
The doctor will say he is okay for now,
To see his regular Doctor.
He will say okay.
And will not see a Doctor
For fear they will say again
He has dementia
And should not be driving,
Something he cannot hear.
The endless circle of life goes on.
What is in this waiting
Nothing I can see
Just more waiting.
Once I waited 36 hours straight
Patiently in airplanes and airports,
In a youth hostel
To bring my son home
From a bad trip of drugs, sex and craziness
Only to wait some more for him
In our basement, city streets, and county
institutions,
To wander away again
And wait to hear again from him
To return home again to wait.
The waiting cycle repeats.
In my younger days
A wise man told me
That if I could find meaning in waiting
I could find a secret of life.
I have tried reading, writing and praying
In this experiences of waiting,
Only to find nothing more but more waiting.
Praying has been the most satisfying.
Poor people wait
Wait for food stamps, health care, in courts and prisons
I done it all with them and as one of them
And found nothing but more waiting.
When I wait now
I usually do nothing
But be where I am and with whom I am.
To expect nothing,
To desire nothing,
In waiting
Is the easiest way to wait
And brings with it a certain calm and peace.
Waiting for nothing can be
A time to let everything dissolve
Into nothing but who I am.
Waiting
Can be a time to be free,
When I am waiting for nothing.
Just Being.
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