Champion Cows and Youth

Today we attended the Shawano County Fair but spent most of the time in the coliseum watching 4-H youth, including our grandsons, show cows. There were many categories, judging the cows by type, judging the youth’s ability to show the cow by age, and the grand champions of each group. If it was not for knowing a number of youth with cows in the competition it would have been boring for me to watch. By the end of the day I was all cowed out.

The tragic death of my son, Peter, has changed me more than I thought. I will need a time of silence and reflection to know just how life has changed. Today I found small talk hard to take, and found images of Peter’s birth and death in my mind whenever I wandered from the present.

When Peter was obsessed with certain thoughts and notions I used to tell him to let it go, to practice detachment from his thoughts, just to be. When I was really present to the showing of cows today my mind, body and spirit were aligned. But when I was not my mind would wander to images of Peter.

The lesson I learned today was that in between watching champion cow competition or doing other things, I need to keep my mind in silence, the healing power of nothingness.

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