Tom and Mom

Every 10 days or so, I take my friend Tom to visit his mom at a residential community home in the suburbs. She suffers from dementia and other disabilities and this is a good home for her. However, her son and my friend also suffers from a disability and he has no way to visit her except with a ride. We have known Tom and his mother for some years as they were long time members of the same parish as we were until it was closed last year.

Tom and I get into some interesting discussions as we drive back and forth to the home. Tom, although younger than I, has had some various interesting life experiences and can articulate them quite well. Sometime we got into this discussion of calling each other “for no good reason” probably because when he calls he usually is looking for a ride to visit his mom. Today Tom was talking about some insights into life and how he finally was getting to a zero point, a balancing point between minus and plus.

I had thought and talked about “doing nothing” in times of life, which usually meant just being in the moment and not always doing. In my younger days I even wrote about “Waiting for Nothing” an easy essay that is below.

As we were talking about zero or nothing, in a joking and somewhat serious way, we started to praise the glories of being a zero or doing nothing. To me it means living in the silence of the moment, enjoying the being of everyone and being balanced. It also goes to the heart of unconditional love and treating everyone as family. It was an interesting discussion and reminded me of the value of zero or nothing.

WAITING FOR NOTHING
2/22/97

I find myself waiting again,
This time in an emergency room
Of an Hospital with my father.

A familiar experience,
The last few years”
Waiting in court with my son,
Waiting in the hospital with my mom or dad
Waiting in the service agency
For my son.

My parents and my son,
Both sides of my generation
The last four years
Have been repeating the same patterns
That bring me to this place of waiting
Over and Over again.

In fact,
I have been in this same small emergency room
With my Father three times the last few years.
I could be home doing this paper,
I could be preparing for my meeting tomorrow
Or Tuesday or the retreat for youth next week.

Instead
I wait and know
What will happen.
The doctor will say he is okay for now,
To see his regular Doctor.
He will say okay.
And will not see a Doctor
For fear they will say again
He has dementia
And should not be driving,
Something he cannot hear.
The endless circle of life goes on.

What is in this waiting
Nothing I can see
Just more waiting.

Once I waited 36 hours straight
Patiently in airplanes and airports,
In a youth hostel
To bring my son home
From a bad trip of drugs, sex and craziness
Only to wait some more for him
In our basement, city streets, and county
institutions,
To wander away again
And wait to hear again from him
To return home again to wait.
The waiting cycle repeats.

In my younger days
A wise man told me
That if I could find meaning in waiting
I could find a secret of life.

I have tried reading, writing and praying
In this experiences of waiting,
Only to find nothing more but more waiting.
Praying has been the most satisfying.

Poor people wait
Wait for food stamps, health care, in courts and prisons
I done it all with them and as one of them
And found nothing but more waiting.

When I wait now
I usually do nothing
But be where I am and with whom I am.
To expect nothing,
To desire nothing,
In waiting
Is the easiest way to wait
And brings with it a certain calm and peace.
Waiting for nothing can be
A time to let everything dissolve
Into nothing but who I am.

Waiting
Can be a time to be free,
When I am waiting for nothing.
Just Being.

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