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Every so often I feel the need to apologize to friends and enemies. I certainly express my ‘opinion of the truth’ but how I do it is the problem’. Often I am like a three old child and just blurt out what I think and am not tactful in words. These days dialog seems to mean you got your opinion and I got mine and that is it. We do not challenge each other or have a significant civil discourse. When you are ignored and marginalized being a weak messenger leads to more outrage which does not help. I try not to recognize and enhance the stereotypes of myself but often do. For this I do need to apologize. Enduring suffering and rejection has never been my long suite yet is so necessary to be a follower of Jesus these days.
Also I am tired of talk and more talk about peace, justice and preferential option for the poor. I try to avoid talks and reading that will inspire the same old outrage in me and are designed as a distraction and avoid direct action.
I try to focus on local issues, something we might be able to do something about, like the military schools on Marquette campus or putting back the 1.1 million dollars that Archdiocese reaped from North Central Milwaukee back into the area to serve those in need. But when get a ‘label’ on you, justified or not, it does not matter what research and information you may have the message gets ignored and the messenger also gets ignored or attacked.
Looking at the life of Jesus, saints and civil leaders I see no way out of this except to take the blows and insults and being ignored, not to return them, as I often do, and just go with the flow of suffering. I feel an obligation to articulate what my conscience and moral values tells me what is right and wrong. At my age I probably cannot be more tactful so just must accept my behavior that seems ‘arrogant’ to some.
I am sorry and will try to be as loving as I can to friends and enemies. But I am weak so probably will always need to apologize. I am sorry!