“Strive to close the eyes of the
body and open those of the soul
and look into your own heart.”
- Teresa of Avila
The week before New Year’s an elderly man felt a need to ask for forgiveness from those he had offended over the years. He was a passionate person who always spoke what he thought and in doing so endeared himself to some and alienated others. So he made a list of thirteen persons he thought that he offended over the last years and sent them each an email asking for forgiveness and, in case it might be useful, reconciliation. Right after Christmas he wrote to each person: “In the spirit of the new born Jesus and the new year I feel compelled to ask your forgiveness for any action, word or omission that I have hurt you and our relationship last year or before. Hopefully with forgiveness comes reconciliation.” He then offered to meet with each person personally.
He waited and waited. After the New Year came he realized that his email had been ignored and failed as other efforts for reconciliation, by phone, in person and email with some of these persons. What to do with unrequited pleas for forgiveness?
Now this man had many good friends, mostly made since he had retired about 7 years earlier. He wondered why he had such good friends now and why he felt alienated from these 13 persons. Then he remembered what a wise woman had told him a few years ago when he had made, with her intercession, attempts to reconcile with a few of their mutual friends who were on the list of 13. After attempts at reconciliation with her aide she had told him not to make any other attempts with these two friends. She told him that forgiveness and reconciliation took both parties and if one party was not interested just to move on in life. He realized that making this recent attempt he was not letting it go as he had been advised. He then realized that the answer to unrequited pleas for forgiveness was unconditional forgiveness and reconciliation on his part. He could let it go, accept it, suffer with it and rejoice in the love and forgiveness he felt for these good people.
He thought, like nonviolent direct action, the first attempt is to try dialog. But if that fails what we have is unrequited and unconditional forgiveness.
Thirteen has always been an important number in this person’s life. He had been thirteen on Friday the 13th many years ago and as a result had his picture in the local newspaper. So now he blessed the thirteen, forgave them for ignoring him and his efforts and went on with the New Year cleansed of his sins to these thirteen. He had a little more sadness in his heart but knew it could result in more joy and love in his life.
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