Last night I had to stop writing my posting because my mind and body were so tired that I could no longer write. Tonight I start earlier to finish the story from last night.

When I found my 93 year priest friend last night he had completely forgotten about the event, Lanterns of Peace, that he had asked me to take him to. The rest of us attended the event, without him, and had a moment of reflection to remember the thousands of lives lost to the use of this terrible weapon. I could not help but think of the three new nuclear bomb plants our President and country are building in Tennessee, Kansas City and New Mexico. How can these weapons of mass destruction be built in this age when we talk about nuclear disarmament?

How can this be, the wide chasm between what we talk about, nuclear disarmament, and what we do, building new nuclear bomb plants? This lack of connection between what we say and what we do, sadly, is too common in our society. Marquette University says its prizes values of respect of life and following one’s conscience yet continues to teach war and killing, killing without conscience. The Catholic Church teaches the preferential and evangelical option for the poor and marginalized yet takes money from the neighborhoods most in need.

These disconnect between what we say and what we do, including my own word and actions, has since high school bothered me. I cannot accept it yet do not always have a way to change it. All I can do is try to change it or see why I am wrong and there is a connection. However, what others would like me to do, and I cannot do, is just give up and do nothing. I can accept defeat but not giving up.

Some call be stubborn for resisting what others accept as okay, some call me crazy of persistence resistance to what I believe is contrary to my values, some call it stupidity and some say it is courageous. A nun, religious sister, when I was in fourth grade and our class was preparing for confirmation said the fact that I had been confirmed at the time of baptism, according to Melkite Eastern rite made me special. I do not know about this or any of the categories above. I just say it is what I need to do.

At time this attempt to bring what we say and we do can prove to be a curse and at times a blessing. Curse or blessing I do not know. All I know that for peace of heart, mind and soul I need to do, as far as possible, what I believe and say. I have no choice.

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