Four years ago today I lost my son and friend, Peter. At first I was in denial about his death. However, about a month later I felt the shadow of death descend on me. At first I felt like I was going to die but soon realized it was the presence and death of Peter that I felt.
The last four years of his life he lived upstairs at our house. He suffered greatly from his brain illness but what probably hurt him most was the stigma that comes with mental illnesses. As a young person he was full of creativity, humor and was the life of the party. In college when he got ill and depression took over he still had hope that with time his illness was passed. He was scared of treatment and he had good reason to be. Pat and I tried our best, with commitments, encouragement and being loving parents to help him. He resented some of our actions but always was forgiving and understood that we were trying to do what was best for him. It was the social agencies that labeled him a ‘consumer’ and when he was show signs of health kept him down and dependent.
Peter was a creative artist with music and art. When he lived here he spent a lot of time creating digital art with the ‘paint program’ on the computer. I encouraged him to start his own web page of nonviolentcow.org and he did. Check it out at Peter Graf. After he died I had plans to do something with his art work but outside of some T shirts and prints we have not done much. Peter’s art was part of him and there was no way we could disconnect it from him.
A few months before he died he asked me if I knew who his “best friend” was. I could only think of one person that had stuck with him over the years but even that person had to separate himself from Peter some because of his own mental health and drinking problems. I said his name and Peter said no. He then told me I was his best friend. I was delighted and sadden by his comment. I was glad he looked on me as a faithful friend but sad that he, due to his illness, had been abandoned by so many.
It is hard to lose a son and it was made worst by loosing a best friend.
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