Today I was sitting behind my grandson in a pew in his church. I was there because I am his sponsor for his upcoming confirmation. We were there for practice. We were about to practice going up on the altar and the sponsor presenting the confirmation candidate to the Bishop. We were to give the Bishop our candidate’s confirmation name. He whispered the name to me, Peter. He had chosen the name of his deceased Uncle, his dad’s younger brother and my son, Peter. Thoughts raced in my mind of my son, my friend, but I could still not cry.

When he died, a few years ago, I could not cry and still have not. About a month after his death, driving the car, the feeling of death overwhelmed me. At first I thought I was about to die but soon realized it was the shadow of death that hung over me. The sense of dying still abides within me but now I can avoid the feeling of death by keeping busy.

A friend of mine that suffers severe depression told me that avoids depression by keeping busy. I can understand this way of avoiding depression but know it does not diminish depression. Depression needs, in my opinion, to be faced straight out. Crying can help but since I cannot cry I need to tackle depression with meditation, silence and being present.

In fact one of the gifts of the sacrament of confirmation is ‘courage’. Courage is needed to face depression, recognizing it for what it is and thus overcoming it.

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